"Closed up like a fist. You've been sleeping in the wild."
Here you sin, alone and well.
It seems your mind is playing a trick on you tonight. Certainly now with relapsing memories of a past love, one so faint and vague, one that makes you feel uneasy, one that you should no longer grab at hopelessly.
It's decorated and skewed.
What it seems you miss most now is being able to grab at him, to kiss him all over relentlessly. Having it for your own, the intimacy with someone you like and can be around for a while.
Because now you worry about what it is your doing with your lips, if they like being touched in the way you do it. You worry if they mind the taste of you, if they notice what you hate about yourself, if they care.
There are these games to play now and it seems you've forgotten the rules.
You've been vulnerable with someone who loved you and now you think they all care about you in the way that he did.
You're tough, though. You'll make it. You are almost there now.
Thoughts of him reading this flicker in your brain. You're uneasy about hurting his feelings in the way he's hurt yours. Well, not quite in the same way but pain cannot be gauged within bounds of a broken heart. He'd never taken a vast interest in you anyhow and he's not as sensitive as you give him credit for.
It's not like you are doing unwell for yourself. You've met people!
You drink now and laugh and come home to your bed. You hardly get angry. You hardly feel guilty. And you hardly cry!
The boy you have around now is cute. The both of you are the same style.
His spelling isn't quite up to par but he cherishes you, brings you wine, and candies to cure your sickness when you're feeling low. Who knows if it'll last? Who cares!
You laugh now and look forward to your future.
